Helping Children Grow Up More Resilient

Resilience can be defined as the ability to bounce back from difficult situations. It is being able to cope with stress, pressure, and challenges. It is being able to live life without feeling like you are constantly under a lot of pressure. In fact, resilience goes much further than just “bouncing back.” It’s also about learning how to deal with the things that might cause us stress or make us feel bad in some way.

Adults without resilience skills have difficulties with anxiety, stress, depression, and crime rates.  Studies have shown that adults who are not resilient often behave in ways that get them into trouble with the law more often.  The adults who lack resilience skills are more likely to experience mental health problems, such as depression and anxiety. They also tend to be less satisfied with their lives and have higher levels of stress.  They also have less success in relationships and at work because they are more stressed and anxious, which can lead to depression. These adults are also more likely to get into trouble with the law, which can lead to more serious consequences such as imprisonment or fines.

A person’s resilience should be/must be developed in childhood. Resilience skills are not learned in a day and if they are not taught when the child is younger, then it is hard for the adult to learn them later in life.  The more adults can help children develop these skills, the better they will be at coping with life’s challenges.  We teach children how to read and write, but we seldom teach them how to understand their emotions and what triggers them.  In order to grow up more resilient, children need to know what they are feeling and why they are feeling this way.  Emotions are a natural response to external stimuli that help us to make sense of the world around us.  Emotions can take on the form of anger, fear, sadness, happiness, fear, anxiety, and frustration, just to name a few, but there are many other emotions that we may experience too.

There are many factors that can contribute to a child’s emotional development. These factors include their temperament, the way they were raised and their environment.  A child’s emotional intelligence is shaped by the way they are raised. If a child is raised in a stable and supportive environment, then they will be more likely to grow into an emotionally intelligent adult.  For example, the common adage “children should be seen and not heard”, looking back, was never a good strategy for developing emotional intelligence in children because it did not consider children’s needs, by otherwise well-meaning parents.  The idea behind this adage was to teach children how to respect their elders and behave in the quiet manner. But when it comes to emotional intelligence, this training probably did more harm than good because it did not take into consideration that this could have led to children bottling up their emotions into a big ball of stress that they could not cope with later on.

Children in underserved communities are more fragile than children who live in safer neighborhoods because they are exposed to more violence and crime. This can make it difficult for them to control their emotions, or learn, or be successful in school because they may struggle with regulating their emotions, communicating their needs, or trusting other people. Teenagers are more likely to cave in when they are bullied by over-policing officers who work in their neighborhoods who often have an over-aggressive stance towards the people they police because they too are operating out of fear and unregulated emotions of discrimination and superiority.  Teenagers, oftentimes, may lack the resilience that can teach them not to cave in to bullying.`

In communities that are dealing with poverty, lack of opportunity, and social inequality it is important to understand how these oppressive situations may lead them into more dangerous situations.  Children are often not taught how to control their emotions, and this can lead to stress. The best way to help them develop resilience is by teaching them how to manage their emotions to reduce stress and cope with difficult situations.  In order to teach children resilience, we need to first understand what factors contribute to a child’s emotions. The most important factor is the child’s upbringing. If a child has been raised in an environment where they have experienced negative emotions like anger and fear inside their home or within their community, they will learn these feelings as well as the behaviors that go with it.

One of the first steps in teaching resilience is to understand what forms of stress and anxiety a child or youth may be experiencing. This can help identify the main triggers that are causing a child’s emotions to go out of control and identify when a child is in need of help.  Some common sources of stress for children and youth include:

– Changes in family life, such as divorce or death of a loved one

– Moving or starting school for the first time

– Social and cultural pressures

– Bullying or other forms of peer pressure

– Fears about the future or worries about their own safety, their family’s safety, or any other forms of bullying such as cyberbullying or over-aggressive bullying from law enforcement.

The second step is to offer the child or youth support and guidance.  Parents can play a huge role in teaching their children how to deal with stressful situations like bullying.  For example, parents should teach their children about self-compassion, which is the ability to love themselves even if others do not love them back. 

The third step is to teach them self-awareness and coping skills  The importance of self-awareness is often overlooked in today’s society. Children are exposed to a lot of stress and pressure in the world today. They have to deal with school, social media, and other challenges.  The lack of this skill can lead to an increased risk for mental health problems and anxiety. It is important that children are taught how to cope with their emotions and develop resilience skills early on.  In order to teach children coping skills and self-awareness, parents need to make them aware of their emotions.  Children can learn how to cope with emotional distress by recognizing the feelings they are experiencing. They can also learn how to regulate their emotional responses by identifying what is causing their feelings and finding the best way to cope with them.  Parents can give their children more opportunities to explore their surroundings, be creative, express themselves, and have some independence which is the exact opposite of “children should be seen and not heard”.  A study by the University of Minnesota found that children raised in households where their emotions were not validated, and they weren’t taught how to understand them are more likely to grow up with mental health issues.  Likewise, another study at the University of California, Irvine, found that children who were raised as “children should be seen and not heard” are less resilient in adulthood.

Some common ways of teaching children how to handle their emotions and self -awareness include:

– Teaching them how to identify their feelings

– Talking to them about different ways of handling stress

– Giving them a journal or diary where they can write down their thoughts or feelings

Self-awareness is important for children to develop because it helps them with understanding themselves better and finding out who they are. Children will be able to find out what makes them happy and what does not, which allows them to make better decisions in life.

The ways in which a child’s emotions are shaped are by a variety of factors such as their physical and mental health, the people in their lives, and the environment they live in. While teaching resilience begins in the home, educational programs in schools, houses of worship, and non-profit organizations should be used to help children and youth in underserved communities develop coping skills that will help them become well-adjusted adults. These skills include not only resilience, but also healthy communication techniques, self-control, and empathy, among other skills that lead to positive outcomes in life.  For example, in schools, mindfulness is often taught through games and activities that are designed to help students learn how to focus their attention without judgment.  Mindfulness is an important skill that can be taught at a young age. It teaches children coping skills and self-awareness that can help reduce stress levels, anxiety, depression and aggression among children. The World Health Organization defines mindfulness as “paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally”. Mindfulness has been shown to have beneficial effects on people of all ages, including children.

As previously stated, a person’s resilience should be/must be developed in childhood. Resilience skills are not learned in a day and if they are not taught when the child is younger, then it is hard for the adult to learn them later in life.  The more adults can help children develop these skills, the better they will be at coping with life’s challenges.